I was 16, graduated from high school and college was a few months away. In the meantime, I started taking care of my neighbor. She was just a few months shy of 100 years old. She out lived her entire family. I went to her house everyday to check up on her, feed her, bathe her and clean her house. Her health was declining and I didn't know how to take it, but I went everyday and tried to make her happy and comfortable.
One day I went into the house and began my normal routine. I noticed it was quieter than normal. I went into her room and she wasn't in her bed. I panicked, I yelled for her and ran through the entire house, checked everywhere she was no where to be found. I called my mom to come back and help me. I sat on her bed and looked for notes suddenly I heard a light moan. Mrs. Baker had fallen between the tiny crack of her bed and the wall. She must had been there for hours and probably broke multiple bones. I knew I couldn't move her, so I called the paramedics and talked to her making sure she was alive and coherent. My mom and the paramedics came at the same time and I hopped in the back of the ambulance and held her hand the entire way. I was so scared and fighting tears because I knew she didn't have much longer to live - she looked grey and was less than 70lbs. So frail and hopeless, it was heart breaking and confusing.
I was in charge of all her funeral arrangements, selling her house and donating her car. I knew she was giving my dad her truck and wanted me to keep all her china and the quilts she made. But I wasn't ready for her to leave me. She had become my best friend. We spent everyday together and I learned so much from her. Within 2 days of the incident she was in hospice and within 5 days she had passed away. I was shocked. I didn't even cry I think I preferred not to believe it. I was 16 and had meetings with lawyers and doctors to finalize Mrs. Bakers wishes. I cleaned her house one last time, contacted all of her friends. By this time reality still had not settled and I still felt like eventually I was going to hear her voice again, cool her meals and go find cute clothes for her. But I never did. I had her ashes in my house and tons of proof she was gone but I still didn't accept it. I went to college, graduated, got married and had kids and still had not accepted it.
Until recently death was too much for me to handle. I dismissed it. I dodged the subject and told myself it wasn't real. I remember the day it hit me that I would never see her again. I cried for a week! I felt guilty and like I missed out on making people know her life was great. I wish I would have made a bigger deal about her and who she was in my life. Instead, I pretended like nothing had ever changed for me - or her. I promised myself, along with Mrs. Baker that I would never do that again. I will never dismiss someone's position in my life just to not hurt. Hurting is healthy, mourning is healthy, it's normal. I miss her everyday, and know she's always making a smart remark about things that I do, and that I don't do.
Who is Ari? She's a woman...
