When I was conceived I thought. O ye! This is going to be fun. Every day I grew a little bit. But I could sense that things were not as they should be. Every day, different things would enter my body threw my cord. Some made my head spin. Others made me sleepy and others held my development back. At times my little body was in so much pain, I wished Jesus would come get me and take me back to Heaven.
As I got bigger I could hear my parents fighting. I could feel my little nest being pushed and thrown around. I think that was being hit. I could sense that my mother was very sad and then shortly after that she would use that stuff that make my body pain and twist. I often wondered if she knew I was in pain, or if she even cared. The bigger I got, the worse the pain got. The fights between my parents also got worse. I had trouble staying alive. The pain was unbearable and I knew that when I am born the pain will still be there.
One morning, I could feel that my mother was very nervous and tense. Something was really, really wrong. After a while my little nest started pushing me down a narrow channel and then all of a sudden there was a very bright light all around me. A whole new nightmare was about to start. My little head felt like it was going to explode. My lungs were hurting and I had trouble breathing. My mother was not with me. She sat at the other side of the bed and didn't care that I was crying . The milk that they gave me made me very sick. It burned my throat and made me vomit. Then, I was hungry all over again and so I drank it again. The doctors gave me all kinds of medicines that made my head and body not hurt as much.
5 long weeks, I was laid in a incubator; lonely. As my mother hardly ever picked me up. She didn't come to talk to me. When they said I could go home, I was happy. I thought things would be better.
Boy, was I wrong! She made me lay in bed all day. She did not hold me. There was also a man. I did not know his voice. But sometimes, at least he picked me up. Even smiled at me. Something my mother never did.
One morning, we got into his car and start driving. We drove all day. This was the longest time my mother held me. When it got dark, we stopped. There was a nice lady who took me in her arms. She talked to me and kissed me all over. She sang the most beautiful tunes I had ever heard. My mother, once again, was sitting far away from me. By this time, I didn't mind as much. Because I liked this lady. She was soft and gentle. And she made me sleep next to her. She woke up when I cried. And you know what? That night, I fell in love with her.
The next morning my mother got back into that car and drove away. She left me behind. I found out that there were two other boys there. They tried to play with me. They were so much fun! I was happy. I decided that this is my mother and brothers. And as the time went by, I did not think about my mother as much. Because I had a mommy now. I loved my life despite the headaches, or the fact that I had trouble keeping my food in. Even when my body started shaking, Mommy was always there. We visited the doctor regularly.
Today, I am 5years old. I have brain damage. I suffer from epilepsy, low muscle tone disorder, reflux and have weak lungs. I have trouble speaking. That's okay because I have my mommy. She and my brothers understand me. Mommy doesn't mind when I have a fit in a store. Or vomit all over her in the bank. It has been 3 years since I last saw the woman who brought me into the world. But I have the best mommy in the world! She says I am her son and her Mount Zion. I am my mommy's little pumpkin.
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