Without a Baby and Alone

  It felt like my cousin got to my house two seconds after I hung up the phone. That was impossible because she lived at least 15 minutes away. But that's how much I wanted to put off what she was making me do. I got into the car and we drove to the drug store up the street. She was in and out in a flash, shopping bag in hand. 

   When we got back to the house she read the instructions out loud and ordered me to to go the bathroom. I had been freaking out for weeks and she was the only one making me do this now, even tho I was only 1 day late for my period. Even Cali told me to stop stressing about it, convinced I was late due to stress alone.

  I went to into the bathroom, peed on the stick, laid it on the counter and sat in silence in the living room with my cousin for what felt like an eternity. 

  "Ok Ari, it's been 3 minutes," my cousin said. I just looked at her, unable to move. She asked softly, "Do you want me to go look?" I just gave her a nod. I could see her walk down the hall and turn into the bathroom. I heard nothing. In my head I thought "she is taking too long. If it was negative, it'd be easy to say. She is taking too long! Why won't she just tell me it's negative?" My cousin walked out of the bathroom with a complete blank face and said "Ari, you're pregnant." I immediately broke down, tears pouring out of my face. No! No! No! She was supposed to tell me it was negative and that I have been stressing over nothing. No, she was wrong! She had to be wrong. I have freaked out once or twice before so I knew how to read the test perfectly. She must've misread it. She handed it to me.... I thought I might pass out. TWO LINES?!?! There have never been TWO lines before! 

  I immediately called my sister who was away at college a few hours away. She was surprisingly calm and caring. Freaking out in her own way for me. I called Cali and told her I was coming over even though her and I haven't been speaking much lately. 

  When I got to her house, her little brother answered the door, his smile dropped quickly from his face. "What's the matter sister?" He asked full of concern but despite that, I raced passed him and went into Cali's room. Through tears I told her I took the test and that it was positive. She told me I should go to a clinic to be sure. We went to a clinic that gave me a free pregnancy test and while there, they prayed over me and I got saved. A few minutes later, one of the nurses told me that I was, in fact, pregnant. I was in shock. I knew it! I knew it the second it happened which is why I had been freaking out for the past couple of weeks. But to hear someone say it out loud, was shocking. To hear a confirmation, paralyzing. 

  I was only 19 years old and Douglas was the father. Of all people, Douglas. The one guy I was in love with but who wanted nothing more from me than a fake friendship and the occasional physical pleasure session. He even had a girlfriend! What would he say? What would he do? Cali tried to comfort me the best she could, but I was terrified. I had to tell him. 

  I made her go with me. She told him that she had to talk to him, knowing that we would have a better chance of him leaving the house if it was her that needed to talk rather than me. We pulled into the parking lot of a school near by. He asked what was up and Cali said "Actually Ari needs to talk to you, not me." He looked confused and said "Ok, what's up Ari?" I hesitated. I took a deep breath, looked him straight in the eye and very calmly said "I'm pregnant." He spoke almost before I could finish the sentence with "F$%k!" He sat there for a minute looking out the window, not saying anything at all. Then finally said "So what are you going to tell Detroit?" Insinuating that Detroit was the father and not himself. I said "I'm going to tell him that he is going to be an uncle!!" I was furious! Even though I raised my voice a little, I stayed surprisingly calm. Cali was shocked, at least, that's what her face told me. It seemed like several minutes went by without anyone saying a word. Finally, Douglas said very softly "Take me home." I turned around, started the car and drove him home. He got out of the car without saying a word.

  It felt like we went weeks without speaking. He would see me at friends houses and pretend like I wasn't even there. Then one night at a wedding reception of a close mutual friend, he asked if I would take him home. I agreed. When we pulled up to the house we sat in silence for a while.

   "Ari listen, I will be there for you no matter what. If you decide to have this baby, I will be a dad. I don't want to be like my dad so, I will help support the baby and be there for you. If you decide to not keep it, I will help you pay for it. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you. I'm sorry for being an asshole." I said ok and that I would let him know what I decide. He gave me a really big long hug before we got out of the car. I drove away feeling better, still not knowing what I would do.

  That was the last time he and I would speak. The next day, everything was back to how he had been acting before. All of our friends were mutual so there was no avoiding him. He would not only avoid me but pretended I didn't exist. He would look at the chair I was sitting in as if it was empty. I ended up going through everything alone. We didn't have a baby and we never talked again. 

 

Who is Ari? She's a woman...