Never The Same

  I remember we spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's. I didn't know we were going to but I feel asleep before Dad brought Mom back from the hospital. She had a headache all day and even the day before I think. So, I stayed at my grandparents house while Dad took her to urgent care. The next thing I knew, I woke up to my mom, who was laying next to me, crying and saying something I couldn't make out. Then my dad jumped out of bed, ran down the hall, banged on my grandparents bedroom door and yelled "Wake up! There is something wrong with Courtney!"

  When I was finally able to open my eyes, I noticed my mom didn't look like herself. She was crying but her face was a lot more droopy than your average sad face. I also didn't understand why my dad was freaking out so much. I was only 9 years old. Everyone joined us in the living room. My grandparents and 2 aunts. Finally my aunt, Vicky, called 911. I knew what that meant. It was an emergency that we get help to the house. But what was wrong with Mommy? Aunt Vicky brought me to the back of the house to talk to me and try to make sure I was calm. I wasn't really scared, just confused and curious. We met the paramedics in the front yard, then joined everyone back in the living room. When the paramedics were asking my mom questions, her speech was very slurred and she wasn't making much sense. She wasn't answering the questions right. They were simple questions like how old are you and what's your name? She told them her name was Karen. We all looked scared at that point. Finally, the paramedics took my mom to the ambulance and drove away. I didn't understand what was happening and started to cry. When we got back into the house, my sister was crying. She was only 2 weeks old. I remember being the only one who could calm her down, so I held her until she stopped crying.

  The next morning, my grandparents sent me to the neighbors house to play. I didn't want to PLAY! I wanted to know where my mom was and what was happening to her! But, being 9 years old, I didn't have much of a voice to say that. I played at the neighbors but did not have fun. Mommy was the only thing on my mind. Later that day, Dad picked me up and took me to the hospital where my mom was. He told me that she had a stroke and still wasn't speaking clearly but that he wanted me to see her. He knew I wanted to and thought it might help her come back to reality. I didn't know what a stroke was. The way everyone explained it to me at the time, was that an explosion happened in Mommy's brain and caused all kinds of things to happen. Mainly, loss of memory and simple functioning skills. She didn't remember anyone and couldn't walk. When Dad brought me to the ICU, the nurses tried to stop him from bringing me in. He told them where to go and how to get there because this was my mother! I was so grateful to him at that point. His and my relationship was not always so great. When I got in the room, Mom said "Hey Baby!" through her slurred speech. One side of her face was really droopy and she was talking silly. But she knew who I was! I helped her eat a popsicle since one of her hands wasn't working right. She could barely move it. She had to go through a lot of physical therapy. She couldn't come home for what felt like forever! I hated living at my grandparents without her. They didn't wake me up for school the way she did. They didn't do my hair like she did. They did everything they could to make me comfortable but they weren't MOMMY!

  I was laying on the living room floor one night, watching TV. The next thing I knew my mom was standing over me. She was home! I was so happy and excited to see her! I just wanted to go home and be with her. She still had some recovery to go through but we made it work. She needed a lot more of my help around the house and with my sister than I imagined she would. She forgot things a lot. It was frustrating not having Mommy back the way she used to be. We were a good team for a while, but things were never the same.